It's funny how when you are faced with one thing on your to do list, it's pretty easy to just do it and then cross it off. But if you're faced with, say, twenty things to do in the next week, crossing off any one item on your list becomes impossible and you'd rather just blow it all off and sleep.

I flew back to C'ville Sunday night after a weekend with Tom and immediately sunk into that post-visit low. When I'm with Tom, I forget about law school, about not having a job waiting for me after graduation, and about any one of the million things I have constantly on my to do lists. But these commitments don't go away, they're always there waiting for me when I get back.

Today I raised my hand and spoke in class. I spoke in clear, articulated sentences without unnatural pauses or filler words. I sounded confident and smart as I explained the compromise between large and small states that resulted in the bicameral arrangement of the two houses of congress. It was an easy question, I'll admit, but no one in the class was actually answering it. I tell myself this is a sign I'm changing, opening up, becoming more like the person I think I used to be--outgoing, interested in others, more involved with life. I'm not actually sure that I was ever outgoing, but I sure as hell wasn't always so afraid of living.

It's not that everything is better when I'm with Tom. I'm happier, sure. Less lonely. But I still have problems and I still berate myself for any little mistake--like assuming I was friends with his friends, when I'm really not, I'm just The Girlfriend.

I entertain escapist fantasies. One day, I'm really going to act on them. It just seems inevitable at this point.

List of current addictions:
- final fantasy tactics advance
- jalapeno chips
- watching other people play video games
- logical certainty